What Now?
by LanguageOfTheFlowers
Summary: Road and Tyki find something in the garden. It is not a very nice something. They don't know how this something got there or why it is there at all. Also, Lavi is not having a very good day. One-shot. I don't even know why I wrote this. Crackfic?


**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man.**

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Tyki is very content at the moment. It's quite a nice day, in his opinion. The sun is shining, he is peacefully alone, and Road isn't bothering him. He's sitting outside the mansion, enjoying the quiet and the fresh air. Wait, he doesn't enjoy fresh air. What is he thinking? He pulls a cigarette and a lighter out of his pocket, and in a few short moments, smoke is swirling through the air and destroying his lungs. There, much better.

There hasn't been much possible-Innocence activity lately, nor time-to-kill-exorcists moments, so it's been fairly quiet around the place. The twins are out paying off some more of those debts Cross Marian had dumped on them (will they ever all be paid off?), and Sheryl is doing some sort of diplomatic stuff Tyki doesn't care about. Tyki doesn't know what Lulubell is doing, but he assumes it has something to do with milk or kissing the Earl's ass.

Ah, but who cares what everyone else is doing? Not Tyki. Nope. He's just going to sit here and enjoy this peace and quiet because he really doesn't get enough of that shit.

"Tyki!"

He sighs. Then, he simply stares into space. Did he _really_ believe he was going to be able to enjoy this moment of peace? Did he really?

The high-pitched voice shouting his name had definitely been Road's, so he doesn't understand why he hasn't been tackle-hugged yet.

"Tyki, come over here!"

Well, that explains it. He throws his cigarette on the ground and stomps it out before heading towards where he thinks he heard the voice come from. Somewhere to the right of him, he knows that much. He starts wandering around the garden since he had seen Road running around it earlier with that white dog Sheryl had wanted to get for some reason.

"Tyki, hurry up!"

Okay, she's definitely in the garden. He's about 98.3% sure that he heard her voice coming from that group of flowery bushes over there, but why would Road be in a bunch of bushes?

"Ty- there you are!" Road is in the middle of clawing her way out of the bushes, ready to go drag Tyki over here herself, when she spots Tyki standing just a few feet away. She quickly grabs his hand when she gets out and starts leading him back towards the bushes.

When Tyki sees Road, he notices she's bleeding. He's alarmed at first, but he quickly realizes that they're just scratches from the bush, which is, in fact, quite thorny. He's about to say something about it, but Road gives him a shut-up-and-follow-me look, so he decides not to bother himself with it. They reach the foliage soon enough, and they both hear a bark come from behind the thorn and flower covered bush.

"The dog is there too?" Tyki raises an eyebrow. How did he even get past all the thorns?

"He's actually the one who found it."

"Found wh- oh. _Oh_." He sees what Road is talking about when he phases through the bush. The dog is sitting right next to it, grinning and wagging his tail as though he isn't sitting next to what he's sitting next to. Dear God (no, wait, Tyki's fighting against him, he shouldn't be asking him questions), how did that even get there?

Tyki doesn't know what to say. He just sort of stares at it. Road does the same. A moment passes. Then another.

Road breaks the silence.

"Did you do it?" she asks. He shakes his head.

"And I assume you didn't?" he asks. Road confirms the statement with a nod.

They stare at it for a little longer. Tyki tries to think of some sort of explanation for this.

"Do you think the twins have anything to do with this?"

"I don't see why they would put this in _our_ garden though," replies Road. Really, this doesn't make sense. Did someone who lives around here put this here? Did a _noble _put this here?

The dog decides this is the perfect time to sniff it, and the canine accidentally bumps into it with his nose. The little jolt causes the thing to shift some ways to the left, and the skull comes tumbling off the top and rolls to Tyki's feet. That's right. A _skull._

Because somehow there's a fucking skeleton in their garden. A _skeleton_ for Earl's sake. Yeah, they kill people, but they don't just leave the bodies lying around in their _garden._

Tyki wants to light another cigarette. Road starts messing around with the cuff of her sleeve. They stare at it some more.

"I'm out," and Tyki's about to leave, but no, Road stops him because she doesn't want to deal with this bullshit by herself. Tyki's about to protest, but a cracking sound draws their attention to the dog.

"Oh God, don't... don't do that..." Tyki trails off as he decides that it really isn't worth the effort to stop the dog from what he's doing, which just so happens to be chewing one of the leg bones of the skeleton. He's snapped it in half already, and, well, he's eating it. Eating the bone. The leg bone of the skeleton. The random skeleton which use to be a dead guy that has probably been sitting here for at least two months. Ew.

"So... what now?" Road asks.

A moment of contemplation. Tyki is the one who speaks up next.

"I think I have an idea."

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Lavi's day has been terrible. Yuu isn't reacting as much to his dumb jokes and insults as he wanted him to, the Bookman has given him a shitload of work to do, and he has a killer headache coming on. Oh, and did he mention that he's a fucking exorcist that has to kill Akuma and risk his life nearly everyday? Fuck his life.

He decides that maybe some fresh air would make him feel better. Maybe he'll pull a prank on Moyashi later. Yeah, that'll be fun. Then, to convince the beansprout not to kill him, he'll help Allen pull a prank on Bakanda to get even with him. Yup, he can feel his bad mood slowly floating away while these awesome plans fly in. With his luck, he's probably going t- fuck, something made him trip.

"What a dumb- _OH GOD_," he screamed. Fuck shit bitch cunt fuck fuck shit _fuck._

"WHY IS THERE A _SKELETON _JUST _LYING HERE_?"

Fuck. His. Life.

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**AN: I feel like Tyki and Lavi are 142% done with life.**

**_I_**** am 142% done with life. So I wrote this. The grammar/description probably sucks; I didn't really try.**

**Anyway, I got inspired by a post from fuckyeahcharacterdevelopment on Tumblr: "Your ship finds a human skeleton in their backyard. What happens?" I don't really do shipping, but I was thinking about the Noah when I stumbled onto that post and this story sort of just happened. So yeah. Bye.**


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